Poem Ten
“BEFORE CROSSING THE ROAD…”
Children’s traffic park; Pondicherry
If you don’t look left and right
there will be nothing left to be right
for you. Crushed under a demon’s foot.
The traffic such that they blur, left and right.
Asked to leave Auroville for hushed laughter at uptightness,
they left, but it didn’t seem right.
Prohibitions don’t work that way, clearing what’s
wrong away so what’s left is right.
This beach is foreigners only. Rock hard Indian
security men ensure that. Nightsticks. Just
French flour thighs left.
posted by pete. @ 10:47 PM
5 comments
5 Comments:
Love this. Not sure what French flour thighs means. (What it refers to and what image I am supposed to get.)
That statue is so scary, I think a child would be too frightened to even enter the park! Nevermind crossing the street properly.
French flour thighs... Yeah, it's bad. I'm not high on this poem. It's supposed to refer to the racist policies of the beach at Auroville (I wish I knew how to put a link here--to Auroville, not their "racist policies"). Lots of French people (because the Mother was French)and bullying security men kicking Indians off the beach.
Backstory doesn't matter ultimately--I need to re-write the image.
I actually like the French flour thighs...maybe as you work on the piece, it will feel more natural to you. I'd be curious to see it incorporate even more kid-style stuff like the first two lines...maybe give the whole thing a children's song tone...I don't know...this probably won't make sense, and I do mean it in a good way, but it keeps bringing the Dylan "Under the Red Sky" song into my head. Why is that? But that's kind of what I mean by a children's rhyme vibe.... I'm afraid this isn't helping at all... but I will say don't totally abandon those thighs.
Thanks...I actually did a major re-write of this poem this morning. Thighs are still in there. You see, I really didn't like this one at all. I had just forced myself to write a couple shorter ones and decided to try my hand at some Ghazals since that's an Indian form. They didn't turn out Ghazals. I rewrote this one using my Oblique Strategies cards that arrived yesterday. I'll post the re-write tomorrow. I like the idea of half-photos/half-poems, but I can't imagine being able to do that...
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