Poem One
"MY BRUSH HAS MY NAME"
Mumbai,India
His youth of
two-and-a-half American bathrooms, one sibling, so no
doubts about what was whose,
he doesn't quite get this
supermarket promotion's free engraving of your name
on the handle with purchase
of toothbrush. His must be the first: Despite the engraver's shadow
hard over the sharp-eyed apprentice's shoulder,
their machine wiped to a precisely white incisor's
approximation of sterility,
they have to start over four times
on fresh brushes. Swinging door interruptions. The street's
black-eyed clatter,
a bandage-for-a-sari beggar's dropped
cup as she restrains her leashed monkey's
foaming lunge at their shared mirage's boar-and-lobster-
bloated parliament. Like his
just-that-morning falling hard as though pushed, that
milk powder scam
so fusty even its
perpetrators can't believe it still works.
He blames those tiny on the hot,
jagged sidewalk bare feet of the young girls.
A flanking flirtation, flame-smart
framing their pitch with a pinky's
dab of ash around each eye, the essence
of hunger's raw daintiness.
His real anger is at that, he bets,
disgusting percentage the shopkeeper kept
when, soon as he turned the corner, they returned to be sold again
that tin of milk powder he'd purchased for their "little sister."
Close to ten dollars.
A price that even his shopaholic aunt in New Brunswick pronounces
via email so outrageous for India it should've
shocked him instantly to running.
He toys with having them engrave
Osama;
settles on his parents' schnauzer's name, Dudley.
Sometimes his mother
brushes Dudley's teeth;
that was a toothbrush
it made sense to label.
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So that's the opening poem in a manuscript I've been working on called, tentatively, India Possible.
As you know I'm seeking comments. A few questions to give you some idea what I'd like: Is it confusinderivativeay? Is it derivitive? Is there a part of the poem that lost you? Like, you were truckin' along and then derailed. Are there any blatant cliches or grammatical boo-boos? Does it WORK??
Really, anything would be helpful.
Anonymity--set thy tongue free! Thanks.